I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
