Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
