I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
