Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
