I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
