is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
