I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to make a zoo with you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
