it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
