I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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