Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
