i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
