But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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