I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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