It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
