so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
