Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
