Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
