she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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