I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
