Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
