If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
