On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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