White coat. Heels.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
