God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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