You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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