i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
