My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
