Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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