Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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