Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
