i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
