Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
