never play flip cup with pint glasses
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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