you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
