Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
worst night to have a conscience
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you never un-have a 4some
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
