Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
