Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I supernannyed him into submission
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
