so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
