You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
