Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
