He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
