I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
