So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
