Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
