Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
