I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
