I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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