I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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