There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
