i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
