capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
