she was so not down for the gang bang
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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