your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Welp...herpes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
